Many years ago, in England, I had a girlfriend who was training as a nurse. She was full of stories of objects and vegetables she’d seen people injure themselves sexually with, but one story reduced me to uncomfortable laughter. A man arrived in the emergency department one day and opened his raincoat. He was naked underneath. A milk bottle was attached to his gorged member and he couldn’t remove it. The medical staff eventually had to break it and yes I can hear your sharp intake of breath as you imagine that moment. But how had the bottle got there? The man had the gall to explain that he had placed several empty milk bottles beside his shower cabin so as not to forget to put them out for the milkman afterwards. While taking a shower he had slipped and fallen out of the cabin in such a way as to jam—accidentally—his penis in the bottle. His erection had occurred as a reflex. Edit > Thanks for the parallel messages I’m receiving about my use of the word « got » in the last paragraph and which suggest I correct it to « gotten ». For the record, I’m British.
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